waiting to see the next blow that life throws at me


Am stuck in something i should have avoided a long time ago but i went on with the flow since at first i didn’t know it would come to this. I was in an abusive marriage until one day i decided to run away because my husband could have killed me. When he got drunk, he would beat me so hard that sometimes i was unable to walk or to talk. I was even getting raped in marriage, i wasn’t up for it and my husband no longer aroused me because i was afraid of him all the time. During courtship, i knew he had bad temper but i thought that was something i could work with when we got married maybe probably even change him but he got really worse, like 50 times worse than he was. After i ran, i went to a neighbouring country where i got a job and started settling down. No one from my previous place knows where i ran to, to this day am afraid he might know where i am and decide to end my life. Here i have a peaceful life and fortunately or unfortunately i found console in a young man that we’ve been going out for a while. He has been a miracle in my life, because of him, i have slowly recovered and am comfortable around him. He once asked about my past but then i was hurting so much i couldn’t tell him what it was like so i told him i never want to discuss it and from that time, he has never asked about it. We have grown so much as a couple that i feel this is the person i should have met with in the first place. He proposed to me and out of joy, i said yes even though i am married officially back home. Marriage preparations are still on going but am sure sooner or later he will find out about the real me and that will also be the end of this relationship. He has a younger brother who likes to crack jokes alot, the other night they were talking and he said “what if we find out this is a married woman with 5 kids elsewhere?”. They laughed for a while then my guy said that he knows i would have told him something serious like that by now. i had no kids but i was married. Am afraid of going through the divorce process back home because am still in fear. Right now, am moving with the flow waiting to see the next blow that life throws at me

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By Anon



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