.i fell in luv with this amazing guy in highschool n we had been together for 3 years n one thing led to another n i got pregnant at 17 n i decided to have an abortion(i could give a lot of reasons for why i did it which sounded really good and logical then bt looking back i did it because i was selfish) n i am a religious person who doesn’t believe in abortion n believes that life starts at conception n i thought if i was ever in a situation like that i’d never do it bt u never knw until u experience it,right?(i knw i’m being one hell of a hypocrite right now) after i had the abortion i felt relief n i didn’t think about it for a year bt after that z sadness n z guilt started eating me up n for almost a year after that i cried every night n was depressed n thought a lot about ending it all (tried a couple of times).. a voice in my head kept saying “u killed your own baby,what kind of mother could do that,wt a monster “n i broke up with my then bf coz i couldn’t handle all of z stress n i hadn’t been in a serious relationship since then coz i always push them away..5 years have passed till then n i’m still depressed n sad n i don’t even see a future where i could have a family(every time i think about this i feel like i’m betraying my kid n i feel like God gave me a gift with my first pregnancy n i killed it so i feel ashamed to even want or ask for another one)..grief after abortion is an unusal subject for most ppl n it is been hard when u have no one to talk to or someone who understands where u r coming from..thanks for giving me this platform to vent
