Hey, hope you are doing great. I have read almost all the confessions here and it really gives me hope to know that people go through stuff sometimes it’s a consequence of their decisions sometimes it’s not our fault. My story is a nasty one so for disclaimer, for the really religious or faint hearted please don’t read. Am 25 years old now, raised by a single mother she is 40 but you wouldn’t notice it because she looks younger. Obviously naturally i love my mom but somehow, everyday i wish she would have thrown me for adoption or even left me in the streets so that i couldn’t experience the life she has put me through. To start with, she doesn’t know my dad. The was a time i confronted her seriously about the issue until she admitted she doesn’t know who my dad is because “those” days she used to fuck multiple strangers in one day so she wouldn’t know. That’s what she told me, i believed and stop asking the question anymore. As you might have guessed, yes my mom has been a *** commercial worker all her life and i had live with her in single room houses for 21 years until i started earning something small i moved out. Turns out that she took me to grandma when i was a child but grandma told her that she won’t be whoring around and bringing her kids to raise so circumstances made her keep me. When i think about it now, abortion must have been pretty expensive those days because it obviously would have been her easiest choice. I know for a fact that she has aborted so many times, i have seen my own foetus sisters/brothers in the trash several times in my 25 years of existence. I don’t have a sister or brother now that i have a good job as a result. Life growing up in a slum isn’t so easy. There are many challenges there and they were no exception for us. I’ll get to the meat of my confession now because i might say more than i meant to. Ever since i was a child, my mom has always used the house as her business place. I was not alone in this luckily because my friend’s moms as kids also used to do that so at least i wasn’t the odd one out in that. TBH with whoever is reading this i lost count of the number of men i have seen having *** with my mom ever since i was a little child, there was a time i used to count but with time, i lost the count. That particular scene has affected my life the most until now. It’s like my brain got wired into something or i don’t know, something must be wrong with me. Have you ever had a fight of not thinking something that you know is wrong but you can’t help it? When i started masturbation soon after joining highschool, everytime i thought about my mom while doing it. I always remembered how she would sometimes scream “harder” in her sessions and that always and still does the job for me. My brain is all fucked up now, no matter how hard i try to stop thinking about this, i find myself thinking about it again and again. I got a permanent job last year, i earn pretty well but i have zero interests in girls my own age. I only crave for women in their forties, in fact i would feel no shame in marrying a much older woman than me. When i watch porn, i only go for the mature women section because i don’t feel any sexual attraction to girls my age or even younger than me. Obviously this is all thanks to my mom and her irresponsible behavior but there’s nothing much i can do to change the situation. And for the curious, she still does her job until now i can’t get why she can’t stop. I hope everyone acts responsibly and always thinks about the other person before taking any actions. Thanks for the platform ann, it has given me the courage to share this
