afraid of ending it

I have a confession. Am 26 years old currently approaching 27 but i’ve not yet decided the next step i’ll take with my life. See the problem is my boo, my boyfriend. He is very rich and very very attractive in short he has every material thing that any woman or “man” for that matter could ask for but he as a micro penis while erect am hoping he is not a member of this channel because am not writing this to hurt his feelings but rather it’s because am in a tight angle. At my age, if i don’t make a wise decision now, i might end up single for the rest of my life or end up cheating like i did once even though we cleared up that issue. We dated for a long time before attempting to have ***, the romance grew deeper and deeper wish i knew before how “shallow” the *** would be. Sometimes i regret not giving the goody very early into the relationship because then it would have been easy to end things faster. Am not used to cheating and that one time i cheated, even though from the look of that guys member it was average, i felt so filled that to this day i think of it and a rematch but my conscience can’t let me. And another thing that surprises me is even though it’s so small like the size of my little finger, he still gets an erection and sometimes demands ***
so what i do is lay there while he gets busy bombarding my lower pelvis causing unnecessary pain. I remember one time he wanted me to ride him and in my mind i was like “wtf dude!!!” but i told him i have back pains he has never requested again. If only he could allow us to continue with our relationship but with dynamism in it such that i get laid by someone else once in a while, i would be open to that kind of a setup but i highly doubt he would be open to that. Am afraid of ending this then fall into the arms of a jerk and am also afraid of losing the investment i have made in this relationship because we have been lovers all this time.